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CalmCEO
This podcast is about helping industry-leading entrepreneurs, just like you, unlock the secrets to healing your nervous system, paving the way for more profit and peace in business, life, relationships and health. It offers a safe space where we will go beyond basic business strategy and personal development. We're here to cut out the BS and create a life and business that you freaking love! Expect raw and unfiltered conversations and leave each episode with a treasure box of tips, insights and a tribe of like-minded souls.
CalmCEO
Ep 43. Addiction, Connection & Making Healing Fun w/ Lulu Liao
Meet Lulu, a trauma therapist and healer from Dallas, Texas, whose life story is a testament to resilience from drug addiction to connection.
Growing up in a traditional Taiwanese household in Taipei, Lulu faced cultural challenges and the pressure of high expectations.
Her rebellious spirit set her on a path to healing, where she now integrates her unique background into her practice, making healing not only effective but also joyful.
Join us as we explore how Lulu's experiences have shaped her approach to therapy, focusing on communication and playfulness.
Lulu shares personal stories that highlight the importance of understanding subconscious drivers and belief systems, especially in the context of addiction.
Together, we highlight the critical role of community support, joy, and humor in the healing process.
Practices like yoga, breath work, and fellowship foster a sense of belonging and connection, vital for recovery from addiction.
As we embrace humor and celebrate small victories, Lulu encourages us to maintain a positive mindset, practice gratitude and that self-worth is the core of our healing journeys.
Connect with Lulu:
Instagram
Connect with Amanda O'Mara:
Website
Book a Session
Instagram (come say hi!)
Welcome to the Calm CEO podcast. I'm your host, amanda, a spinal energetics practitioner, business energetics coach, energy healer, fitness coach and, most importantly, a dog mom. That's right, my furry friend is always here for the good vibes, but today it's all about helping industry leading entrepreneurs just like you unlock the secrets to healing your nervous system and paving the way for more profit and peace and business, life, relationships and health. This podcast is your safe space where we're going to go beyond the basic business strategy and personal development. We're here to cut out the BS and create a life and business that you fucking love. Expect raw, unfiltered conversations and leave each episode with a toolbox full of tips, insights and a tribe of like-minded souls. Go ahead and hit that subscribe button and with that let's dive into today's episode. Hello everyone, welcome back. We have my awesome new bestie here, lulu. What's up, girl?
Lulu:Hello, hello.
Amanda:So Lulu and I actually met recently in LA and instantly vibed and just been chatting it up. Hey, we're actually both wearing black today. I just noticed that.
Amanda:And I really wanted to bring her on today because, well, one, she's freaking awesome. Number two, she's just so well-rounded in the healing space. I can't even list everything. I mean she does spinal energetics as well. She does trauma therapy, somatic experiencing, ketamine-assisted therapy, psychedelic integration, breathwork, reiki, therapeutic yoga, just so much vibrational, sound, healing movement therapy. I mean what else, girl? I mean jack of all trades here. Hello, hello. So, and we were just kind of chatting it up recently about healing journey and how it can feel so hard sometimes, and we thought it might be fun to have an episode on just how, to make it fun, how healing can be fun. So, without further ado, lulu, what's up, girl?
Lulu:Oh, it's necessary. Not that it can be fun, but it's necessary, right.
Amanda:So necessary. So, yeah, lulu, why don't you introduce yourself if you want to add anything to that, and then yeah, tell us. Yeah, where are you? Tell everyone where you're from and like a little bit more about what you do.
Lulu:I currently reside in Dallas, texas, and I'm a licensed therapist and all those things that you mentioned. Credentials are always kind of weird. I'm just a human trying to live my best life. I'm trying to help anyone that I can right who's willing to listen.
Amanda:Yes, love it. So you have a very interesting story. I've heard a lot of it. Are you open to sharing with the world Something?
Lulu:Of course, yeah, yes, where should I start?
Lulu:Wherever you want wherever you feel called to. Well, I was born in Taipei, taiwan. Wherever you feel called to. Well, I was born in taipei, taiwan, okay, so that's, that's fun. And so with that comes with a different culture. So I was the person who interpreted a lot when we moved to the united states and kind of had to figure my way out through the language and, um, you know, and a lot of my upbringing was in a traditional Taiwanese household.
Lulu:Maybe people have heard of things called tiger parenting and very strict, and they want everyone plays some kind of piano and or viola or something like that, and you become a doctor or lawyers, you know, kind of stuff like that. I'm not sure how much you know about the Asian culture, but so a lot of pressure, right, just designed for you to do well and to succeed, and, and so that's what I did. I played classical piano when I was little and everything did well in school. But you know, I think over the years growing up also in the United States and acculturating to this culture, there was a lot of dissonance, right, and because what I was seeing in, you know, going to school and things like that, was not what I was seeing at home, so it was very different. I think the culture was very different.
Amanda:How so.
Lulu:Well, I mean, looking back, it's all in hindsight, right. I mean, we're not Asians typically, or not very emotionally, they don't. We don't talk about emotions. It's very hierarchical, right. I mean, I think a lot of cultures can be like that patriarchal, hierarchical. You don't really talk back. And this, this idea of image, is very important. You know. So my parents were very well known in the community and there was a lot of image stuff. So looking back on it now, there was a lot of hiding you know because there was this image to maintain.
Lulu:I think people might know, especially in like Japanese cultures too right, these Asian cultures, that shame and what they call saving face is very important, that you really just don't want to shame or dishonor or disgrace your family, so kind of having a good image and doing well and things like that.
Amanda:I mean, it sounds like my family, but we're not Asian, I'm sure right.
Lulu:I mean I think it goes right on the culture.
Amanda:I didn't know that about. In general, the Asian culture was like that.
Lulu:Yeah, the Japanese samurais used to just kill themselves. Right, they'd rather just kill themselves than say oh, I messed up. I mean that's insane. I mean imagine the pain that that person must have felt. That that's your, that's your only option, you know so Okay.
Amanda:so where did that lead you? Like? When did the healing, All the modalities, when did all that start?
Lulu:Yeah, so I think my spirit was always just a little bit different. So I was always trying to put you know, play, play both sides, like do well in school. But I was a little bit delinquent. So it always starts off with a little bit of sneaking out of the house, staying out late, maybe drinking here and there a little bit of drugs, all good fun. Well, my parents in high school were like you are something you know. They noticed they didn't really like my friend group, right. So they sent me to boarding school and I remember that time just feeling like that was, I just remember the words. They're like we're sending you somewhere because we don't have time to like, mind you, in a way, right. So I do feel like you know it felt a lot like rejection you know, that you really didn't want to take care of me.
Lulu:Looking back, it was actually a great experience because when I went to boarding school the teachers, they gave you so much attention. I'm like, oh, I feel actually very cared for and loved.
Lulu:But there was still a big part that held pain, you know from growing up and not feeling like attuned to you know, but that's kind of when I did more drugs and then drugs leads to more drugs, and you know right, but that's kind of when I did more drugs and then drugs leads to more drugs, and you know that kind of happens. I do want to say something that that I know. I always tell my clients, right, the difference between impact and intent, you know I think that's an important thing for everyone to realize in in everything.
Lulu:Really. You really that a lot of times where we get into trouble is sometimes we're assuming intent, but that's very different than the impact something had. Especially when we talk about childhood and things like that, a lot of my clients have a lot of trouble. They'll be like, oh well, my parents didn't mean to. I'm like, yeah, we're not saying anything's wrong with your parents or anything, but like I'm talking about the impact, the impact that something had on you, right?
Amanda:If.
Lulu:I hold the door open for you, but it actually swings and hit you in the face. You know what I mean. It's usually our assumption like that the intent of the person was negative. That gets us in trouble. We don't really think about the difference between the two. Right.
Amanda:Oh, interesting. Okay, so expand on that a little bit. More impact versus intent how they're different.
Lulu:So let's say, I come home and I don't know you're in the house or we're roommates or something.
Lulu:Hey, I'll be roommates with you, okay, oh my gosh, we have too much fun, I know right, and so I'm in, okay, yeah, we usually have so much fun. I come home that day and I'm in such a rush and I just like, okay, hey, amanda, what's up? And I run to my room, right, and so I don't know what would you assume, right? So maybe the intent, right, my intent is that, like I have a meeting to hop on, I have no time to say hi to you. It's maybe different than any other day. I kind of brush you by, I. I kind of brush you by. I don't have time to listen to you, right.
Amanda:Right.
Lulu:Maybe you think my intent is like how freaking rude Every day you say hi to me. Like what is your problem today Just because you're in a bad mood? Do you know what I mean? It's so crazy. But so when we have a rupture, like that right and we start to repair.
Lulu:I can say, oh, I can understand the impact of my behavior, but it doesn't mean that I'm wrong or you're right or I'm wrong right. So it's very mature to be like oh, I can understand how you know God. I do say hi to you every single day when I come home. Yeah, how when I just like brushed you off that you know you would have felt dismissed, right.
Amanda:I think this is so like common in relationships romantic relationships you know, so many triggers come out when you're dating someone, when you're married to someone. I've seen it in friendships. I've experienced it with friendships where it's just, even though you intend something else, the actions sometimes speak otherwise.
Lulu:Like you know, our actions can create unintended consequences. Right, yeah, I mean, and it's not. And okay, if we want to keep going on this, which we might podcast, is because a lot of stuff is driven by our nervous system. State too so we take things way too personally that people are really responding the best that they know how to, based on their relationship with their nervous system. Right, yeah, yeah, that's our shortness right, or our snappiness or projections. It's usually because our nervous systems are doing something that we don't know how to be with.
Amanda:So that's the defensive part that comes out right, yeah, yeah, I mean, I'm just thinking how I used to be not saying I'm perfect. Now maybe I am, I don't know. But man, like in relationships with well, I'll just speak with like, my husband, there's been times where he wouldn't really respond to me or he wouldn't open up emotionally with me, and then I would take that personally. I'm like like why, why aren't you opening up to me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not good enough, like, and he'd be like no, no, that's not true. But yeah, but I was in the state of a dysregulated nervous system of like feeling like like I'm not good enough or he doesn't trust me enough to open up to me, or something like that. But that was kind of like the underlying belief, whereas my response or my reaction to that behavior was like what the fuck? And then I throw temper tantrum almost you know what.
Lulu:I mean, yeah, but I do think you know. So part of relationships, right? I mean working with couples is like we're wounded in relationships and you also need to heal in relationships. So when you actually marry someone, date someone, you're basically saying like, okay, we're kind of marrying each other's traumas in a way right.
Lulu:It's not about this. I'm going to be perfect before I meet you in a relationship. Relationships are the arena where these things come out. You know these couples, therapists, the Gottmans right, they're really well known and basically almost 70% of problems and relationships are not solvable. Okay, isn't that crazy.
Amanda:That's high, I know right. Why are they not solvable Is? It because people refuse to take responsibility.
Lulu:Well, it comes down to just fundamental, like personality differences, you know, and values and things like that. So, for example, like like, let's just say you get pissed because your husband, um uh, leaves the socks around, okay, and you interpret it as he doesn't care because you spent all day cleaning up the house and if he really cared about me he'd pick up the damn socks right. And perhaps to him like well, geez, you don't really care about me because you're just a nag, just like my mother, and if you really cared about me then you would let me be a grown ass man and do whatever I want. You see how that's like. The socks are not even the problem.
Lulu:So, what helps couples actually come together is this being able to reflect like in this regulated nervous system. I can understand, right, gosh you really spent all day cleaning up our house and I can understand how, when I do that, that you would feel like I'm not taking all you do into consideration, that I'm neglecting you, right?
Amanda:Communication is so key. I know, and it's the tone, right, yeah, oh, the tone too, yeah, Right, I'm sorry versus sorry. You know like it's totally different.
Lulu:So when we can talk like this and actually validate, a lot of couples therapy is spent like validating each other's perspectives and really practicing using the right words and the right tone. Right, I can understand how you would feel this way, but when we're like that, you know what it does. It actually creates a heart to heart connection.
Lulu:And when you have a heart to heart connection and you don't feel like you're being attacked, then you're more likely to change right. Healing thrives when our nervous systems are relaxed at ease. You know, then I'll be like oh man, yeah, yeah, gosh, amanda really just does a lot. I'm just I'm gonna pick up the socks man is awesome.
Amanda:I love. I should just love her more.
Lulu:She's incredible because we do want to treat people that we love like we want to. You know, give them the world that's I okay.
Amanda:I'm so funny that we're just kind of diving into this topic and maybe we can still get to how healing can be fun because it really is fun, guys, I promise More than I used to be an IV drug addict. Okay, cool on. A lot of clients would come to me about like relationship stuff and I call it the deal method D for describe the situation. E express how you feel, but not to blame, right, taking responsibility for your feelings. A like ask for what you want. And then L is listen and negotiate. So, for example, like, if you're describing the situation, it's like I know you need attention and I'm grateful for you to come for me for love and support and I'll always be here for you. And then e is you know, expressing how you feel, but not blaming you know the gotmans um, that's their framework.
Amanda:Anyways, go ahead oh really, oh crazy though yeah, keep going, yes no, I learned this from my mentor and then I'm pretty sure she learned it from her mentor, and so who knows? Right, I have just found it incredibly helpful. I've used it on my husband many times and it like works magic. But when you express how you feel, that could look like saying something. Like I realized when I need my personal space, right, and when I'm interrupted, it was bringing up old feelings for me. Okay, when I am interrupted often, it sometimes make me feel like my goals in my business they're not important. This is I mean I'm using this example my husband used to like literally walk in my door all the time and I work from home. Guys, it's just like that little peak in the in the corner of the in the room, just like, hey, what are are you doing? What are you doing now, amanda? Hey, like just wanting attention, right, and so I used to have to like tell him. Like I realized that it's it's um, like when he would do those things.
Amanda:It would take me back to my childhood where I felt the same way, right where I'm not blaming him, but I'm I'm noticing, maybe where that right when I'm not blaming him, but I'm noticing, maybe where that behavior stems from why that triggers me, right.
Amanda:And so, although I want him to pay, you know, get the attention that he needs, that I also need my personal space, especially the quiet time to work on my business, and so you know, you can do this with the kids too. I don't know how this works I don't have kids, but I feel like it's the same type of communication, right? So just asking them if we can come to an agreement to get their needs met, but if I want to have my time to work on my business uninterrupted, that they're willing to wait to talk to me until I'm done with my business time, right, how do you feel about that? So here, we're not really blaming them, we're showing them empathy, we're showing them acknowledgments that they too are important, and it's solution focused, finding a compromise that you're both held accountable to, and it works wonders, right? It's changing life changing. Give it a try. But anyways, do you want to add anything else to the deal method?
Lulu:No, I think that's good Understanding. I always say, like curiosity first right, because you can't get anywhere once you start getting in attack mode. There's no resolution there, you know and a lot of times, the things that you think are the issues are really not the issues. Like you said, it stems a lot. I mean what? 95% of our lives is driven by our subconscious.
Amanda:Oh, totally yeah.
Lulu:And it's important that couple and couples get together, that they know what some of their you know, know belief systems are that are driving their reactions. You know, and a lot of this is again in our nervous system. You know where we weren't supported, where we won't feel safe much yeah, we don't feel secure feel good enough, I feel like is the cornerstone of all healing safe.
Amanda:So true, yeah, safety let's say it again safety safety amen yeah yeah, the reason we get triggers because we don't feel safe in some element in our life within.
Lulu:And how do we feel we actually heal is we feel to heal, but in safety in safety, yeah, so how do we create safety? Yeah, how do we create safety?
Amanda:usually starting with the breath, usually starting with slowing the fuck down, usually starting with grounding playfulness look at that segue yeah yeah yeah playfulness so how? How does Lulu play while healing?
Lulu:Oh my gosh, I mean I think now so to go, kind of go back right. So let me, let me encapsulate this. I've told this story so many times.
Amanda:I can sum up in five minutes.
Lulu:But basically, yes, so I became a drug addict, you know, and and it was, it's always fun. I don't think anybody decides to become a drug addict and and picks up the drug and is like, oh yeah, I'm going to just totally ruin my life and just right, I mean become addicted to the substance. Doesn't happen like that, right? So it really is one thing led to another. And the thing about this the drug word I love, I love Gabriel Mate how he always talks about it's not the drugs, right, it's really the pain. What's the pain underneath?
Lulu:You know, that the drugs are the solution. Whether it's drugs, alcohol, shopping, social media, sex, anything right, these are the solutions for the loneliness, the pain, the disconnection that we feel.
Amanda:Social media scrolling sex addiction, porn addiction yeah.
Lulu:I mean, there's so many different types of addiction. Some of them are more culturally acceptable than others, right?
Amanda:Yeah, which is BS, but yeah, yeah.
Lulu:And it's so tricky right Because? And really the addiction is centers also in the mind too you know, that we can be so tricky with it.
Lulu:Just to tell you a little bit of my story I so I was, let me think, clean and sober. So I first got clean and sober when I was like 24 or something. So a lot of my story is that the pain always got so bad that I ended up trying to take my life, okay, and then divinity knows better and it's like Lulu, you're meant to be here for a reason. So it never really worked, okay, and I can laugh about it now I'm not making it funny, but I really have really come to appreciate this part of my life that it really feels like a different life. So just side note, and if anyone's listening and they're struggling, I'm not making a mockery out of addiction or the suffering. I'm really just sharing my experience and how I can look back and with this different perspective.
Lulu:So I do always want to make that clear. So I don't even know what I was about to say. Oh, okay, so. So my addiction, right. So I first got clean it's over when I was 24 or 25, after college, and ended up in the psych ward again taking my life and I'm like, all right, well, let me just get my shit together. And then I had 10 years where I had, um, my kids. So I have four beautiful children. And then all of a sudden, right, I have four beautiful children and then all of a sudden, right, I have four little toddlers under six years old.
Lulu:I'm really stressed out about life. And then my back was hurting a little bit because of my epidural and just like the way that I delivered. And then my brain says I think I want some heroin again, right, and. And then it was this voice that was so surprising and I was like, well, I can't do that. But you know, what I can do is I think I need to go to the doctor because I probably need some pain medication, right? So you can imagine, that little rabbit hole led me into a legal addiction, right For a couple years and then soon after that then back into injecting IV substances in my body, right.
Lulu:So you know, when you start using anybody who's ever used IV drugs and there's not a lot of old junkies because it's something that really like sucks your soul away. You know, and I have so much gratitude for that, because again, this last time, um, I took my life and there was this message from the divine basically was like like almost like a slap, and it's like you're not gonna die, so just stop it right. And it was something. Something about that message like I could hear, like I was a little bit pissed off. I remember saying like, fine, okay, fine, I'll live.
Amanda:Fine, I'm gonna do this life.
Lulu:fine, you know. I mean, I just clearly remember it, because how many times have I tried to get clean and sober? And this is with four children too. You know what I mean. Addiction isn't something that makes sense. No, you'd get them to school and do all the things you had to do, and then you know Wow. So from that day right and again, it all feels so divine, because I don't know, if you ask me to look back, I don't know what made me make different choices. I mean, the literal thing is like one day at a time.
Amanda:Was it like the rock bottom period for you? Like they always say, like in order for change to happen, sometimes we have to go to the deep.
Lulu:Yeah, but I think rock bottoms have rock bottoms, you know. I mean every bottom has a new bottom. I don't think it's, I think it's endless, because how many rock bottoms? Have. I felt like I've had.
Amanda:Oh, I've been through so many rock holes Endless yeah so, yeah, I mean.
Lulu:So that's kind of how it started. You know, I do think now. So I would like did meditation, right, and I was like, all right, well, let me do. I think a friend of mine was like you're such a yogi and I'm like I don't even, can't really touch my toes, and but yoga is a whole philosophy. So I did some yoga teacher trainings and learn that, and you know. Then someone's like oh, maybe you should do Reiki or maybe you should, I don't know right. And I think, as I just slowly unfolded this thing, like I always remembered how I felt so misunderstood in the healing world right, like this modern psychology you just didn't cut it. Actually, after my undergrad I applied for my PsyD, my doctorate in psychology, but that was like I'm like on drugs. I've been in therapy for years, like I can't do something that I don't believe in.
Lulu:So, I think, like we're in this awesome time right now, that people are bringing more awareness to our energy systems, right, somatic awareness, our body, and it's not just in the mind, because you really can't heal with that same almost sickness that's creating this delusion. Does that make sense?
Amanda:Yeah, yeah.
Lulu:So now my mission is like oh great, like I can. You know, I understand things from this other way and I really want to make it accessible for people, right, that most of the stuff that we tell ourselves about what's happening is really just not true.
Amanda:Real quick. I'd like to express my heartfelt gratitude to all the listeners of this podcast. Your support means the world to me. As you're aware, a stellar rating plays a vital role not just for the podcast success, but also in our collective mission as change makers. By awarding us five stars, you empower us to continue spreading love, knowledge, support and guidance to people worldwide. Please take a brief moment to give this podcast a five star rating. Thank you immensely, thank you immensely.
Lulu:It's not true. You know. We misinterpret the sensations that are in our bodies. It's just sensation.
Amanda:When it comes down to it, you know what we're afraid of is sensations, yeah, I believe I mean that's, you know, those who ever think are under feeling. Or you know we're masking it through the drugs, through the alcohol, through so many things. It usually comes down to avoiding the sensation, avoiding the feelings, avoiding going within.
Amanda:Yes, and we have to create safety right and build the capacity to feel it. What was that like for you as you began your healing journey? The yoga and the breath work, and all of that as you began. How helpful was that for you compared to? Did you do therapy? Did you, you know, see doctors? Well, you saw doctors before for the prescriptions. How was that shift for you? How did it change you? How did it help you get away from drugs?
Lulu:Yeah, well, I definitely believe in community for people who are trying to recover, like I don't know. I think most therapists will say that, like you know somebody who has a drug addiction or any kind of addiction. If when they come in it's almost like kind of they can't just see us, you know they really do need community. So I joined fellowships lots of different fellowships and and developed community because then it made you feel not so alone in your stuff, like people joke about.
Lulu:Oh yeah, well, this is what I did in my last drunk fest, or something you know, and you can laugh about it because there's a normalization of like the absurd, crazy things that that we do, and it always ends on solution, you know yeah so community is definitely important, for sure, I mean not just for addiction, but for everybody, right? I mean, we need each other, yeah I.
Amanda:I remember dating this guy long before Mike, who was an alcoholic and he went sober and I was maybe like 18, 19 at the time and it was a big deal for him to become sober. But I never realized at the time how difficult that was for him and how important it was for him to remain sober. And I just remember his best friend telling me one time, like if you want to understand, maybe start learning more about alcoholism and how serious that is and to help understand what somebody's going through, and that always stuck with me, no matter what somebody was going through, even if it was. You know, um, I've had a lot of narcissists in my life. So you started reading about narcissists and kind of learning that behavior. And then you know people who did have drug problems or sex problems or any of those things, trying to understand where they're coming from and why those behaviors.
Amanda:So you're not just looking at the cover of the book, you're reading the chapters, their stories and what's in between the lines, and it kind of, when you approach it that way, it helps you to, you know, kind of tying back into into relationships, like we were talking about the beginning and reactions, to understand, okay, why they're reacting yeah yeah, just having that understanding I it, the community is so important and even if you know you're not a drug addict or you know somebody who is like don't try to fix them, just maybe what would you say to that person who may be somebody in there, I?
Lulu:think anyone, because I've also been in relationship with someone who was in active addiction. Even with the experience that I've had in active addiction, right, inactive addiction, right, and and I do think that we have so many I call everything an opportunity, but opportunities in life to expand our capacity to hold dualities, right. So, so you know, it's so difficult to be in relationship with somebody who's in addiction, right. That, and I think that's one of our biggest lessons, is that we can really have compassion and love people so much and we can also say I can't have them in my life because that's also honoring yourself, right. I mean, I think that's that's a huge lesson for a lot of people. When you talk about even these narcissistic relationships, where people talk about codependency whatever you want to label it, you know, but yeah, because sometimes that's the reality of it, right.
Amanda:Yeah. So what would you you know if I had known you back in the day, when you're going through all of that, like, what would you have needed from a friend? And I'm just saying curious, because I used to be the one that always tried to you know, fix the problem and I can't right. That's the people pleaser in me, but you also want to be there for them without it affecting you too.
Lulu:Yeah, I mean I would say, like, looking back on the people that you know and there's very few people that have known me in that state in my life because a lot of people are dead or a lot of people are still in their addiction but the ones that were very impactful, I feel like, were very boundary but also very loving. I remember one lady. She was like Lulu people just don't know what to do. When you're like this, you scare them and they just, you know, because I would always be like well, why doesn't anybody, you know, I don't know, right, like people, people who are in the active addiction, they don't, I don't think they necessarily like hurting people and I was always one of those people that, like, really didn't like hurting people. So I would kind of withdraw into myself, you know, but the I mean it always bleeds out and I remember her saying like just, this is, it's why, like no, people don't know what to do, right, like no one really can help you.
Lulu:People don't like seeing you destroy yourself. Right, you're scaring them.
Amanda:Yeah, I mean, nobody does, but is there anything that you remember from a friend or from anyone. I'm just curious because, like, like I mean, we've all been through our own journeys and really rough times. It's like I think it depends on the person.
Lulu:Yeah.
Amanda:Like when I was going through tremendous grief. I liked it when people would check in on me every two, three weeks, Not every day where it was smothering, but like, just know, like hey, I'm thinking of you. Just a quick little, like hey no need to respond. I'm thinking of you.
Lulu:Yeah, I do think addiction is just a little bit different and of course it depends'm thinking of you. Yeah, yeah, I do think. I mean addiction is just a little bit different and of course it depends on the degree of addiction too, you know, because a lot of times the behaviors really are really hurtful. So I think it depends what they're actually doing. So if someone's in active addiction and they're actively hurting you like I don't know, you know that's different than you know.
Lulu:Yeah, something else right, um, but yeah, I mean, I think, with any anything letting them know you love them and then being clear on what your boundaries are, right, okay, because people will really I I look at it this way and it sort of releases that like, um, we're broken mindset in a way. It's like if I really honestly believe that everybody has within them the ability to do the best that they need to do in life, then I wouldn't treat them like that. They didn't Right, I would treat the addict alcoholic. It's like I'm really I love you, I care about you, I'm really sorry You're suffering and hopefully you know one day you'll make better choices, right, or go get help or right. That's the belief that, like, I really believe in you. Otherwise, if I'm kind of stepping in, then what I'm really believing is that you don't have the ability to do it yourself Right.
Amanda:Yeah, ooh, okay. So really just coming from an energy of I believe in you, I believe you can get through this and I'm here if you need anything, if I believe that everybody, if I honestly am practicing what I preach, that everybody has this ability, then I would treat you like you did, right. Yeah.
Lulu:It doesn't mean that I can't.
Amanda:Well, you don't want to take their power away from being able to take that on their own and heal on their own, but even just to just be there for them, because sometimes all we need is a hug, right, nowhere, it's nothing. Just give me a damn hug, that's all I need for real um, but yeah, wow, thank you for sharing that with the world.
Amanda:Yeah, wow, thank you for sharing that with the world. Yeah, so not to minimize the subject in any way, but I know we keep going back to like how do we have fun?
Lulu:Oh yeah.
Amanda:Fun, especially yours. Like what did you do to make light of it? I mean knowing you in the couple months that I've gotten to know you, and the privilege of getting to know you, you're very fun. Your energy is contagious, you crack jokes. I mean, you're just a delight to be around. So, yes, so how, how, how would you say that you got through? I?
Lulu:think I've always been a little mischievous, you know, um, and I think I I will like honestly admit that part of it is my own little pendulation out to um semi-avoidance, because the reality that this human experience is really like can be really dark and like tough right, I mean it really is. There's things that are just happening that we are all powerless over, you know that we can't even explain.
Lulu:So I mean, that's the reality of it, right, and so I do think that humor helps ease this emotional burden that we experience. And, like I said, you know, it's kind of like if we really understand how our nervous systems really impact the way that we respond to things, and the interpretations and our emotions really are just information, it's just energy trying to move through us and then we don't, it kind of is a little bit fun. It's like a little video game, like you are implanted into this body and you're having these experiences and some of them are really crazy, right, and some of them are so lovely and they just I want to hold on to them and I don't know, I just think, looking at it a little more playfully, right, I mean, I think hold on to them and I don't know, I just think looking at it a little more playfully, right.
Lulu:I mean, I think that's really hard though for our ego structure, because our ego structures really like order and like to understand.
Amanda:You know what's gonna happen totally, or like we get offended. Like you know, this is serious. What's the last time?
Lulu:you were offended, tell me.
Amanda:I actually don't remember, I don't know. It takes a lot for me to get offended. It really does. I don't know, gosh, well, I say that's a good thing If I can't think of anything off.
Lulu:I know too bad, we can't do this live and like viewers tell us, tell us, yeah.
Amanda:Well, if you're listening, though, you could still tell us. Send us a message on the gram and let us know how this is.
Lulu:I mean really, I think we've all heard it right that, like our healing, our life, it really is a journey. It's not the destination, because people are just achieving and our society makes it so hard for us to, you know, be regulated because there is this pressure, right, marketing is based on like what you don't have and what you need.
Amanda:Yeah, I've been into Matt Rife oh yeah, and.
Lulu:I don't know, I'd be called out by him. I feel like I get. Oh my.
Amanda:God, yes, he's so freaking funny. I don't know what it is, but like you know how, like you, if you're scrolling and you watch one thing, you like it and you then you start to get shown the same stuff. Well, now I get all my reels are like Matt Rife and I just crack up all the time and it just it. It feels like it's bringing me back to the human experience. It's like to remember to just be a human Cause. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my healing journey and you know being in this work that you know you're in the spiritual world a lot where, like you kind of come back down Right and just sometimes I just got to laugh and like I'll always remember too that you can always shift the energy of a room, no matter what vibe it's in the energy of a room, no matter, no matter what vibe it's in. And my husband is so good at this where he's got that dry sense of humor and just cracks a joke and it lightens up it lightens up everything you know, I think joking.
Amanda:Well, yeah, I mean in a sensible way.
Lulu:Yeah, no, our brains are wired to keep us safe, right, and so it's just what does does it do? It thinks of like well, what's next, what are we going to plan on, and it's not necessarily designed to keep us happy. Like a lot of, I think, my healing process with people is we need to look like if this I'm drawing, like there's a circle, okay, like if the left side of the circle was everything that was going wrong in your life, right, and the right side of the circle was all the things that are going right.
Lulu:Most of the time, our brains are looking at the left side of the circle okay, and you're not looking at the right, like it actually takes conscious effort to be able to shift, to say what am I doing well today? How do I feel? Yeah, I mean, there's their ease, right.
Amanda:I feel like that's so big for entrepreneurs Like we're so in the do, do, do, do like go, go, go. And we're like oh, celebrate it.
Lulu:Celebrate, like, if it's hard for you to like I just told a client today if it's hard for you to get out of bed, when you get up, be like yes, fuck, yeah, let's go Right. I mean because patternings are actually very young. We and patternings are actually very young. We get our nervousness and patternings when we're young. That's why you tell your children well, I'm so proud of you that you put your shoes on the right way. You got to tell yourself that.
Amanda:Yeah, we got to tell it. Yeah, you put your underwear on today. Woo-hoo, I don't know Some days it's like that.
Lulu:You know, yeah, yes, yeah, like that you know, yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, otherwise, it's like I'm not enough, I gotta do this. And all these stories that that people tell themselves you know, even the healing journey, I that's like probably the biggest ones. That that, yes, when people start their quote healing journey like it's so great because they just want to do all the things, but then after a while it's not about doing all the things, it's really about how you find safety from this present moment.
Amanda:Oh, my God yeah.
Lulu:And then this moment I think a lot of people like they want the quick fixes.
Amanda:They want to cross the finish line and their healing journey, but the thing is it's never ending too. You're always going to be healing. There's so many layers to a healing journey, and so the moment that you accept that, the sooner you accept that, the more you can enjoy the ride. Right, it's kind of like running a race, running a marathon. It's not about just crossing the finish line, it's the journey that takes you to get there. But with healing there really is no finish line per se.
Lulu:So you're celebrating yeah, as we understand that. Right, you celebrate everything. I remember going to a yoga class one time and I don't know what I was going through probably some grief and somebody was like, are you okay? And I'm like in tears, I'm like I'm just growing. I'm just growing, I'm just growing. Let me grow. Yeah, I can laugh about it Because, yes, all this emotion, I understood it, like I needed to move this through my body. It was so heavy and yet like yeah.
Amanda:I feel like we suppress joy a lot that when we were in LA together I don't know if you saw me, but I was laughing my ass off. You laughed your ass off. I laughed my booty off Like I, for two weeks straight. Almost every session I did like there's maybe one good cry session. But I was reaching these new levels of joy that I had never felt before and I needed that, because sometimes I just take life so dang seriously and my business so dang seriously and everything that I do so dang seriously and I'm like let's have fun, let's let loose a little bit. You know, and I actually stopped drinking um for the past year like very little drinks here and there, but like since I've been home, I've actually had a little bit more champagne. I don't know, it's just been, but a totally different relationship with it. Yes, of like, I'm celebrating the close of my house this week. I'm celebrating my journey. We had a retreat in New Jersey recently.
Lulu:I'm celebrating, I don't know, I'm just like it's a totally different vibe now where I'm just and that's important too, right, it's not like what we're doing, it's actually the intention, right? And people, I mean, they're like okay, I go to yoga five days a week, I do the gym. I'm like are you enjoying it?
Amanda:Yes.
Lulu:Like you know, because we can do things like from a relaxed like I want to nourish my self-state, or we can do things from our doing parts which just need to check all the boxes right.
Amanda:Yeah, like when you're actually going to have fun, yeah, when you're outside having fun going for a hike with your dogs. Are you actually present in that moment and really in like living your life in that moment, or are you just focused on like getting back so you can get the chores done, or something?
Lulu:yeah, you know, and that's a lot of our like I said, it's a lot of our conditioning. You know, um, something which we probably don't have time to get into that I really encourage people to look at is something called internal family systems, and it really helps us explain our psyche into these different parts right.
Lulu:That these parts are formed as a way of protecting us, and then a lot of times, our conflict are because we have parts that are in conflict and the idea is really to come back to our core self, which is curious and compassionate and open and playful, and then unburden some of these what they call vulnerable or exiled parts right, the parts of us that didn't get to feel or be supported in experience.
Amanda:Yeah, yes, such a well, just like the doing parts.
Lulu:The doing parts of most people really is a protective part. That is really scared for us to feel what happens if you don't do? What was the relationship of what happens right? The association if, if you don't do, you know, so true.
Amanda:Well, thanks for sharing that. I mean, laughter really is the best medicine, and it's such a cliche quote, but it is so. If you got to go plan a girl's night, guy's night whoever's listening to this soon, this is your message to go do that and just go let loose. Go have fun, laugh your ass off, tell some jokes.
Lulu:Yeah, create a life worth living, right.
Amanda:Yes, I don't know. Or if you want to go to matt rife, and you know, invite me, I'll go with you, I'll go to a comedy show.
Lulu:Do something fun, maybe like matt rife, and if you're gonna go, yeah, yeah yeah, let's sit up front, maybe we'll get called on. Yeah yeah, but I do think, like I don't know, maybe people's souls aren't like them and my soul definitely really like to learn through experience and I think that's really helped me in the way that I approach people, because I I won't really tell you something unless I've really I've been through it too you know, I'm not just like oh, go, try this new treatment.
Lulu:I'm like I want to understand how this works, like um. So I've had a lot of experiences, right, just with everything that's so good.
Amanda:Yeah, go experience life, live, live your life. Yeah, yeah, I would say what in your healing journey, 75 laugh, 25 cry. I don't know, I just made that up, but it's like food, like eat nutritious 80% of the time, but you got to eat what's good for the soul too.
Lulu:So and again crying, right. I mean we have to use these terms positive, negative more comfortable, not comfortable, but emotion is just emotion, right? I mean, we could probably do a whole segment on anger if anger is just an emotion right, it's not good or bad.
Amanda:Yeah, I don't know it's good, it might well. I just labeled it.
Lulu:Don't label it, it's just an emotion, like well, it's an emotion, it's an energy and there's sense. It accompanies with sensations in your body and we really just got to build the capacity to be with that. Yeah, yeah.
Amanda:Uh-huh, ah, so good. Um, okay, lulu, where can people find you, what you got cooking up in your neck of the woods and biz, how can people work with you? Give us the deets.
Lulu:Yeah, so probably the best way is through Instagram um, infinitehearthealing, um, and then my website's on there and you can send me a DM, and I'm not as active as you are, amanda, but I'm there, I check it. Go say hello to my girl, if you're in Dallas.
Amanda:Texas, hook me up look me up, amazing, amazing, any last message you want to share with the world.
Lulu:Enjoy your life. Practice gratitude, practice playfulness. Be compassionate with yourself. Be your best cheerleader Give yourself grace, don't be so serial. We love you.
Amanda:We love you a lot, so much, so much. You are enough. You are worthy all of it. Love you lattes. All right, guys, lulu. Thank you so much for coming on. So fun and so good to see you again you too.
